Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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