I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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