at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
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i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
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There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize