my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
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I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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