So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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