have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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