Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the knife in your bed.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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