I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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