So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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