i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize