my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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