I wish I could punch you in the face.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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