Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
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Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
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Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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