I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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