You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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