Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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