Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize