we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
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You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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