At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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