It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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