i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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