I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize