Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
