It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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