Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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