Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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