i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
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hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
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just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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