I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize