omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
