closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize