I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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