Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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