I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
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Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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