we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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