i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
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All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
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His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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