we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
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my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
How naked do you want me to be?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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