I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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