just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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