i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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