If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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