your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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