She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize