Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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