I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
birth control should be required to get into college
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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