So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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