We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
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I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
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The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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