I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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