i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
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You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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