What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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