he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
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Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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