he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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